Dancing in the Here and Now

Samantha Bauer(00:01.1)
Welcome back to Sisters in Law of Attraction. I'm Sam. And we're so thrilled to be back with you. Last time we were trying to wrap up this book, The Courage to Be Disliked, and we just we just got to going and and we didn't finish.

Christine Goforth(00:04.365)
and I'm Christine.

Christine Goforth(00:13.752)
I've reached the app too much.

Samantha Bauer(00:15.278)
But really and truly I think there was there was a lot of concepts sort of packed into this this final chapter of the book. But if you're just joining us for the first time, that we have been discussing the book The Courage to be disliked, The Japanese Phenomenon that shows you how to change your life and achieve real happiness by Kashimi and Koga. And you know, as I shared last time, Christine, I just really feel like this book. I mean, we read a lot of books and there's a lot of great material out there.

Christine Goforth(00:23.373)
Mm-hmm.

Samantha Bauer(00:45.272)
There. lots of learning to be had for sure, but I feel like this book hit me at the exact right time and was sort of transformational for me. So and and and that is a good segue into because we didn't get to it last time. again, this is a conversation between a young man and and philosopher, and they're talking about you know meaning of life kind of stuff and finding happiness, and and they get to you know why it's important to have the courage to be disliked so you can.

Christine Goforth(00:55.439)
right.

Samantha Bauer(01:15.192)
Unshackle yourself from the expectations of others and live in true self-acceptance. And so I want to start Christine this conversation with the part of the chapter where the philosopher says that life is a series of moments. That you do not treat life as a straight line. It's a series of dots. And he makes he makes the point that if you were to draw a straight line.

Christine Goforth(01:19.75)
Mm.

Christine Goforth(01:39.619)
Okay.

Samantha Bauer(01:45.025)
line with say you know chalk and you would put a magnifying glass over it you would see actually not a straight line you would see all these little dots right so so the pixelated you know we all know under you know pixels and all that that good stuff so he says the series of dots is called now

Christine Goforth(01:52.909)
Mm-hmm. Yep.

Samantha Bauer(02:03.848)
And he introduces this concept of the here and now. And there's a difference between kinetic versus I'm not I I'm not familiar with this word, but it's it's basically energy, but energy. Like how am I going to get there, right? Versus energyal, which focuses on the energy of the act. And so he gives.

Christine Goforth(02:19.919)
Okay.

Christine Goforth(02:26.842)
Mm-hmm.

Christine Goforth(02:33.391)
Okay.

Samantha Bauer(02:33.712)
Gives the example of climbing a mountain. So the kinetic sort of linear is I need to get to the mountaintop.

Christine Goforth(02:41.765)
Mm-hmm.

Samantha Bauer(02:43.298)
But he says the point is is that you're not really focusing on the act of climbing that mountain. You're only focused on the destination, right? And so you could you could, you know, get to it by a helicopter, or you could, you know, get to it, you know, by a Jeep or w or whatever. it's not you're not focused on the act of the mountain climbing. And so whereas, you know, on the

Christine Goforth(02:51.928)
Okay.

Samantha Bauer(03:07.618)
living in the moment in the here and now, you're focused on the actual act of climbing, right? And it's a it's again, it's it's a very simple concept that we're all very familiar with, and that is living in the moment. Just live in the here and now, live in the moment. And it's so hard.

Christine Goforth(03:12.101)
Yep.

Christine Goforth(03:22.308)
Yes.

Christine Goforth(03:22.308)
that always goes back to awareness, right? Like it all goes back to awareness. Being aware, being present. like you said, not necessarily thinking and planning and worrying about the future. It's literally being right here in the moment at my table with a microphone talking to you. What problems do I have in this moment? I have no problems.

Samantha Bauer(03:32.108)
Yeah, right.

Samantha Bauer(03:43.778)
Yep.

Samantha Bauer(03:50.061)
Right.

Samantha Bauer(03:50.061)
Right. And this mu then. Yeah.

Christine Goforth(03:54.758)
I say that to people all the time. In this moment, you have no problems.

Samantha Bauer(03:58.771)
Exactly. Right. Right. And you know, we w we

Samantha Bauer(03:58.771)
Talk about the importance of you know being in the now and being, you know, present and and all that. And it's hard to do, and so so hard to do with all of the noise and the fear, right? And so so a lot of it is you live in fear of what's next. What am I supposed to do, you know, two steps from now? And what I but what if you just like live in this moment and just be in it and trust that you're going to get there? Now, the young man kind of pushed back on this.

Christine Goforth(04:11.599)
So, so hard.

Samantha Bauer(04:35.032)
A little bit because he just felt like it was a little too, you know, Pollyanna. Like you can't totally live life like that. You have to have some sort of a plan, right? You have to like, okay, I gotta do this and this and this. But the what I love is the philosopher gives the example is if one is shining a bright light on the here and now, one cannot see the past or the future. And he gives the example of standing on a

Christine Goforth(04:40.165)
sure.

Christine Goforth(05:01.541)
Mm.

Samantha Bauer(05:04.992)
Stage, and let's just say you know the bright spotlight is on you, you can't see to the back of the house, right? Which is which is future, and you can't really see behind you, which is past. And he says, But then if the house lights are up and you've dimmed that bright light, you've dimmed the how this the here and now, and now you're focused on the future, or you know, the the back the backstage lights or whatever, which is your past, which I thought.

Christine Goforth(05:13.267)
Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Christine Goforth(05:13.267)
Yeah.

Christine Goforth(05:30.735)
taking away from, wow.

Samantha Bauer(05:34.872)
That was such a powerful sort of imagery that and it really, you know, in it, and so I I want to.

Christine Goforth(05:37.893)
Absolutely.

Christine Goforth(05:42.137)
That's such a universal analogy. feel like anybody can understand that and really feel what that means.

Samantha Bauer(05:49.121)
Yes. Yeah. And so I want to share just really quickly, just directly from the book, that well that wasn't it. I don't know what I was gonna say there. I g I guess aga I've really just said it, but you know, that that you know, you are living in a dim light if you focus on the past or the f or the future, right? And so that you really can only have that bright light standing on that stage in you know, in in the here and now.

Christine Goforth(06:03.01)
Yeah.

Christine Goforth(06:11.802)
Yeah.

Christine Goforth(06:17.925)
Well, and it's similar to the, you know, letting a bad moment become a bad day, right? Don't let a bad moment dilute your good mood. That's where we're diluting the joy and we don't need to do that.

Samantha Bauer(06:24.179)
Exactly, exactly right.

Samantha Bauer(06:32.566)
Right, exactly. there was one yeah. No, I know truly. And it's so, you know, I think with some

Christine Goforth(06:35.215)
But again, easier said than done.

Samantha Bauer(06:43.758)
Current life challenges, it's coming back to the here and now and getting out of the panic and the fear of tomorrow. Like because if things aren't fabulous right now, you can quickly go to freak yourself out and go down, you know, that that spiral and freak out and be fearful of, you know, what's gonna happen, or how am I supposed to handle this, or you know, all these decisions that I think I need to make.

Samantha Bauer(06:43.758)
To your point, what if I just lived in the moment right now and focus on what s shine that bright light on what's in front of me now? So

Christine Goforth(07:23.779)
Right, because right now you don't have any urgent problems, right? You're fed, you're housed, you're clean, you have a family, you're right here, right now with me in this moment, right?

Samantha Bauer(07:28.566)
Right. Right. Right.

Samantha Bauer(07:39.159)
Right, right, right, right. And and

Christine Goforth(07:41.903)
But then now we just have to do that all day.

Samantha Bauer(07:44.449)
Right. And it's that's that's the hard part. That's that's the hard part. And so the philosopher t says that the greatest life lie is that we we you know we think the here and now is just a preparatory period, right? And so when one has adopted an energy viewpoint, life is always completed. So meaning because you're living in the here and now and you're just living like what I love when he says you're dancing in the here and now.

Christine Goforth(07:48.163)
Right.

Samantha Bauer(08:11.446)
Right, so you're dancing in the dots of life series of moments, and you're just dancing in it. And he says, if you live in the here and now, then a life that ends at twenty and a life that ends at ninety are both complete. And I love that.

Christine Goforth(08:11.461)
what?

Samantha Bauer(08:28.118)
Right? It and and it just shows you the power of just that that concept of just the energy and the dancing in the moment and dancing in the dots in the series of moments of of life. And you're not caught up in the past, right? Where again where we started this conversation is the be your past traumas, right? Because the past trauma doesn't actually exist.

Christine Goforth(08:37.295)
Mm-hmm.

Samantha Bauer(08:52.456)
and then you know, and then fearful of the future and and and and where you're gonna go. So

Christine Goforth(08:57.285)
That also just reminds me of what we talk about in other aspects of the value is in the work, right? The value is not in the outcome, whether you have failed at life or won at life, there's no winning or losing, right? The value is in the life that you have lived, whether to your point, that's 20 years or 90 years.

Samantha Bauer(09:06.658)
Yes. Right.

Samantha Bauer(09:06.658)
Right.

Samantha Bauer(09:21.165)
Right.

Samantha Bauer(09:21.165)
Exactly, exactly.

Christine Goforth(09:27.185)
I, one of my favorite things about talking through things in this nature with you is just seeing how all of the different psychologies and therapies and work, they all go back to the same concepts, just using different terminologies, different imageries. And I think that's such a beautiful thing because everybody learns so differently and

Samantha Bauer(09:47.544)
Correct.

Samantha Bauer(09:54.752)
Agreed.

Christine Goforth(09:55.808)
And saying something to me in words from Adlerian psychology could like in your case be very transformative. Whereas if you'd heard it from any Mel Robbins, I don't know, not to throw her under the bus, whatever. If you heard it from Mel Robbins, maybe however she puts it into wraps it and gives it out. That's maybe you don't hear it in the same way. Does that make sense? I just think it's so

Samantha Bauer(10:06.167)
Right.

Samantha Bauer(10:13.303)
Right.

Samantha Bauer(10:23.874)
Totally. Yeah.

Christine Goforth(10:25.925)
cool that a lot of the things that you and I have talked about just all come back to just the same key things and different tools and resources and and honestly it's such good confirmation that the things that we're talking about and believing and manifest all of that just it just kind of reaffirms everything.

Samantha Bauer(10:37.122)
Yeah. Yep.

Samantha Bauer(10:52.707)
Right.

Christine Goforth(10:54.937)
That was a tangent, sorry. just, I think it's very neat to be able to just kind of tie it all together.

Samantha Bauer(10:55.32)
Right, and no, no, and I love it. Well yeah.

Samantha Bauer(10:55.32)
Well, exactly. And also look at we're doing what we're doing too, Christine, in building community around, you know, these concepts. And so, you know, there's plenty of like you said, there's plenty of platforms and people that deliver these messages. But, you know, what we're doing is again, it's contribution to others. And so that's this is how we're getting that community feeling that we're not doing for recognition. We're doing it because we want to learn

Christine Goforth(11:20.207)
Right.

Samantha Bauer(11:30.208)
to and continue to practice alongside a community that you know that wants to live in joy and gratitude.

Christine Goforth(11:32.964)
right.

Christine Goforth(11:36.951)
Well, and it's accountability, it's community, it's like you said, it's learning and showing up every time we record, every time we have discussions and texts back and forth. it's...

Samantha Bauer(11:52.461)
Right.

Christine Goforth(11:55.974)
It is community driven and also showing up and saying, I don't have all the answers. I'm not, I'm not perfect at any of this nor will I ever be because what is perfection? and again, we're learning together. I've never, I I've been on this journey for a little bit, but I've never been in this moment in time. Like we're doing it all together. And I think that's so cool.

Samantha Bauer(12:04.365)
Right.

Samantha Bauer(12:08.566)
Right. Right.

Samantha Bauer(12:13.357)
Right.

Samantha Bauer(12:20.044)
Right, right. And again, it's yeah and it's a j and right to your point, right? It's it's the journey, it's the moment, it's the series of moments that is the here and now. There is no destination. There's no like, okay, I got that figured out. Okay, I know how to manifest and so everything's gonna be perfect and this is how I'm gonna live my life and I'm gonna be joyful and grateful and you know. Yeah.

Christine Goforth(12:30.234)
Mm-hmm.

Christine Goforth(12:36.474)
Yeah.

Christine Goforth(12:36.474)
No, no, because you'll be tested, right? God universe, you'll be tested. And that's when, that's when you really have to see, you know, how far you've come, how your ability to use your tools and, and you'll get better and better as long as each day to life is, is a series of patterns also, right? And so it's you.

Samantha Bauer(13:06.051)
Right.

Christine Goforth(13:07.553)
you create the patterns of the healthy habits, the journaling, the being aware, the staying present. And, and yeah, I, sorry, I could talk about all of this all day. And you're like, I have notes that we have to do.

Samantha Bauer(13:18.636)
Right? And and and and we are. And we No.

Samantha Bauer(13:18.636)
Hey, it it it's it's about living in the here and now, right? I mean, this is this is organic. This is not, you know, preordained and it's not a preparatory period like the philosopher in the book said, right? I mean, this is this is not to prepare for the next thing. This is the thing. Right? And it this is our reality, damn it! my gosh.

Christine Goforth(13:30.233)
Yeah.

Christine Goforth(13:41.635)
This is the thing, perimenopause, brain fog and all.

Christine Goforth(13:41.635)
This, yep, this is it.

Christine Goforth(13:55.334)
so sorry. okay. It's real.

Samantha Bauer(13:56.883)
No, well, you know, there's but there's you know, there's gratitude in that too. Yes, it is real for sure. so the young man challenges the f the philosopher at this time and he says, you know, when life

Samantha Bauer(13:56.883)
When when life is only a series of moments in the here and now, what meaning could it possibly have? Right? So he again he's still trying to get that answer of the meaning of life. And so you're just saying it's like it's just a bunch of s it's series of moments and you know, you you don't you're not carrying anything from your past, you're not looking forward. So, you know, what's the meaning? And so this is a good one. So the philosopher responds, Life in general has no meaning. Wait

Christine Goforth(14:22.735)
Sure.

Samantha Bauer(14:42.032)
Wait, what? He then goes on to say, gosh, I know we've talked about this, right? Little Maxie in his bed. Mommy, why am I here? God. But isn't that interesting, Christine? Without even knowing Adler in any of this book, I literally told him his job was to lift others. When he was four years old. I mean, where I mean, I I don't know. I mean

Christine Goforth(14:46.223)
Can you tell that to my 13 year old? Cause she asks me all the time.

Christine Goforth(14:56.293)
That's my purpose. Yeah.

Christine Goforth(15:03.417)
Yep. Yes. You're that's some of it is very much. I think that and I and not to say we have it all figured out because we certainly don't. But like some of this, I think that we kind of have always been like and there are other things that in the book where it is very challenging and I think, I probably did not do that correctly. But there are certain things.

Samantha Bauer(15:22.188)
Yes, agreed. Yeah.

Samantha Bauer(15:29.408)
Yeah. Yeah.

Christine Goforth(15:32.677)
in the book i.e.

Christine Goforth(15:32.677)
and outside validation from jobs. You know I've never defined myself by a career or anything like that. And I would call my ordinary. I don't know. But like I've always been happy, joyful for the most part. just, it just is. I don't know.

Samantha Bauer(15:40.162)
Yeah.

Samantha Bauer(15:48.589)
Right.

Samantha Bauer(15:56.119)
Right. Right. Right. Yeah. Right. It yeah. And yeah, so I mean it's just it it is fun where yeah, you're like, okay, I kinda got that part, but also like to your point too, all crap, I think I got that one wrong.

Christine Goforth(16:07.439)
but also, yeah.

Christine Goforth(16:07.439)
I gotta unlearn some stuff and relearn some things.

Samantha Bauer(16:15.24)
So let me say that again. The philosopher says life in general has no meaning. He does say, Adler says, whatever meaning life has must be assigned by the individual. You are the only one who can assign meaning to your life, right? And there's the power.

Christine Goforth(16:35.301)
That makes sense.

Samantha Bauer(16:36.546)
Right? And that's that's that's the beauty. You get to assign, attach meaning to your own life. It's you. Love it. And then he d he does

Christine Goforth(16:50.021)
That I love that so much. I love that so much.

Samantha Bauer(16:55.852)
Yeah. Right. Because we're we because we're so we're so outwardly focused. Like, tell me the meaning of life. I'll I'll go after it. I'm supposed to do this, this, and this. Okay, now I now I have meaning. No. You are the only one that can assign meaning to your life.

Christine Goforth(17:00.303)
Mm-hmm.

Christine Goforth(17:13.891)
And I just, because if everybody's meaning was the same, then you're showing up to community with all the same thing, right? And if you are finding your own meaning of life and you're showing up to community and contributing, everybody has something different, right? Different stories, different people, different networks, different ways of contributing, different time, treasure, and talent.

Samantha Bauer(17:22.924)
Right. Yeah.

Samantha Bauer(17:31.725)
Right.

Christine Goforth(17:42.519)
If everybody had the same meaning, if it was all given to us by somebody else, that's not genuine. This makes so much sense, yet something I've never thought of.

Samantha Bauer(17:48.448)
Right. No, absolutely. Yeah.

Samantha Bauer(17:54.711)
Right, right. Well and it's it again it goes back to okay, this is just kind of simple. Like happiness is your contribution to community. Period, end of sentence, that's it. Like, okay, okay. What's the meaning of life? Well there is none. You

Christine Goforth(18:13.441)
You get to pick it. Choose your own adventure. Yeah.

Samantha Bauer(18:14.092)
Assign meaning. You get to you you get to assign it. Yeah, choose your own adventure. Yeah. so he does go on to say that Adler says that we need a guiding star, however, to point us to a life of freedom and happiness. And that guiding star is contribution to others. So to find your

Samantha Bauer(18:14.092)
To find a sign your meaning of life, you need a guiding star, and that guiding star is contribution to others. Love it.

Christine Goforth(18:48.783)
Wow, mic drop, right? That is amazing. And I feel like I need to do so much more for my community.

Samantha Bauer(18:49.806)
Mic job.

Samantha Bauer(19:01.494)
Right? Well we're doing it right here. So we're starting if we're starting in the here and now. We are starting in the here and now.

Christine Goforth(19:03.651)
Yes, that is true. I love that. We are starting in the year now and I love that I've identified a weakness and I can work on making it better.

Samantha Bauer(19:13.483)
Well, okay, so let's go back to this whole concept that we started with with this book, and that is to be disliked, right? You s you you're you gotta have the freedom, you gotta live your life, you gotta be disliked by others. So I'm gonna read read two little things from the book that really brings it all together. Philosopher says, No matter what moments you are living, or if there are people who dislike you, as long as you do not lose sight of the guiding star of I contribute to others, you will not lose your way.

Christine Goforth(19:20.581)
Mm-hmm.

Samantha Bauer(19:44.317)
And you can do whatever you like. Whether you're disliked or not, you pay it no mind and live free. So that's kind of the thesis, you know, of the book. and this this part I just love. He says, when you have danced here and now in earnest and to the fullest, that is when the meaning of your life will become clear to you. So dancing in the here and now.

Samantha Bauer(19:44.317)
And in living in earnest. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it just and and then and then we unfortunately we have to wrap, but we are almost actually done with this book. So I let me just let me just kind of end here, Christine. He goes on to say, Your power is great, because if I changes, then the world will change.

Christine Goforth(20:14.349)
i.e. showing up with joy and gratitude.

Christine Goforth(20:22.439)
I love.

Christine Goforth(20:30.99)
wait.

Samantha Bauer(20:41.356)
Right? If you change, the world will change. That's it. That's it. Yeah. Yeah. So anyhow, I like I said, love this book.

Christine Goforth(20:41.817)
Yep. Be the change you want to see in the world, right?

Christine Goforth(20:41.817)
I love doing this deep dive. I love this so much. It has challenged things, it has confirmed things. I absolutely have loved doing the deep dive into this.

Samantha Bauer(20:58.242)
Yep.

Samantha Bauer(21:03.946)
Yeah, I agree. I think initially we were just gonna do just like a little touch and go, but then we quickly realized and I you suggested, Christine, that we dedicate an episode, you know, to each of the of the nights of the five discussions. And anyhow, this has been so much fun. I've like I said, this has been kind of transformational for me and I felt like the book came at at the right time. So a huge thank you to my daughter who gave me the book for my birthday.

Christine Goforth(21:08.665)
Mm-hmm.

Christine Goforth(21:30.987)
Yes, shout out, man.

Samantha Bauer(21:33.793)
Well, like always, we could just continue on here, but for right now I think we'll wrap. And we are so, so thrilled that you joined us today on Sisters in Law of Attraction. I'm Sam. And we'll see you next time. Bye.

Christine Goforth(21:44.227)
Yes. And I'm Christine. Bye.