Pivot

Samantha Bauer(00:01.149)
Well, here we are again. Welcome back, everybody, to Sisters-in-Law of Attraction. I'm Sam. And we're thrilled you're back with us. Every time I get so excited, when we are, it's taping day. And it's like, not only do I see your cute little face on my screen, I get to talk to you. I know. We just get so high-vibe-y. And this is just so much fun. We're just, having.

Christine Goforth(00:06.274)
And I'm Christine.

Christine Goforth(00:16.608)
It's recording day!

Christine Goforth(00:21.75)
about all the stuff we love.

Samantha Bauer(00:30.605)
So much fun sharing our journey in just living in life, the lane of joy and gratitude, and living that high vibe-y life, and attracting all the good things that are meant for us all. And how you can do it too by just tweaking your thoughts and doing the work. You just got to do the work. so anyhow, today we're talking about something really fun. It's my new favorite word. It's called pivot.

Samantha Bauer(00:30.605)
This word means a lot to me. I kept on saying it a lot. I was actually with a friend recently having coffee. I was just telling her things were going on in the kids' life and my life. And she's like, my god, Sam, you have said the word pivot like a million times. I said, you know what? I think that's my new favorite word. And Christine, you and I were talking about, I mean, when you have to.

Christine Goforth(01:20.344)
Yeah.

Samantha Bauer(01:27.613)
pivot in life, it's about transitions and you know, being able to be flexible, right? So, cause life constantly is changing and is requiring you to be flexible and to pivot.

Christine Goforth(01:44.888)
always.

Samantha Bauer(01:46.427)
Yeah, and I think there's no better example of the need for pivoting than parenting, right? I mean, if you look, if you think back on when you had that little baby, right? And so the parent or the mother that you were with that newborn and that little baby to now, you have teenagers and I have young adult children in their young 20s.

Christine Goforth(02:06.699)
Right. Right.

Samantha Bauer(02:12.884)
And so how you parent, in those, you you talk about pivot. I mean, I think I, and I think even at UConn, I have talked about this when my daughter got into middle school and I was like, this is, don't, and I remember sitting on her bed saying, honey, I don't know how to be your mom right now. Like I'm learning too. And I knew like I had to start pivoting because how I parented her in elementary years.

Christine Goforth(02:18.122)
Right.

Samantha Bauer(02:42.3)
We're totally different because she now had to start navigating that big, bad, ugly world on her own.

Christine Goforth(02:51.319)
Yeah. Yeah. It's so hard. It's, it's, I should say it's hard to realize that how you parented before is, and you've gotten comfortable and used to it. And now all of a sudden, and I, you said that you had said this to Maddie and I have said this to my older.

Samantha Bauer(03:12.113)
Right.

Christine Goforth(03:20.023)
daughter and that's you've never been a 14 year old before and I've never parented a 14 year old before. So like in elementary school, that was easy. I knew how to do that. That was, those were things that felt familiar after, you know, 10 years of doing it. And now we're at this new phase and the transition might be a little clunky. We're in it together, but

Christine Goforth(03:20.023)
You've never done this just like I haven't done this, right? We're in it together, we'll figure this out.

Samantha Bauer(03:50.587)
Right, yeah. Yeah, and I think parenting really is an exercise in letting go, right? mean, someone years ago told me that. it's really, once you have that little baby, you can't even imagine letting go of this bundle of joy. And how do we do this? So.

Christine Goforth(04:13.559)
But I mean, if you think about it though, too, it's like all of the different, all of the little of the times that we build them up to leave us, right? Like they learn to crawl, they learn to walk, they're leaving, they're on their way, they go to kindergarten, they go to their first day of whatever it is. And all of those little leavings, right, build us up our resilience. If I can use that word, right?

Samantha Bauer(04:22.907)
Yes.

Samantha Bauer(04:35.088)
Right, right.

Samantha Bauer(04:39.924)
Exactly. You absolutely can use resilience because it has everything to do with pivoting, right? To be resilient, you have to be able to pivot, right?

Christine Goforth(04:43.508)
Build up the resilience.

Christine Goforth(04:43.508)
Right.

Christine Goforth(04:43.508)
So are you the parent that goes with them and cries at the window when they're in their first day of school? Or are you gonna say, it's gonna be okay, teacher has them now, I'm gonna go home, get a few things done, or I'm gonna go to work, and it's going to all be okay, right? I mean, anyway.

Samantha Bauer(04:56.571)
Right.

Samantha Bauer(05:08.08)
Right, right. Well, I tend to live in extremes. And so when my daughter was 11, she was invited to go to Australia with the People to People International Program.

Christine Goforth(05:22.827)
Ha ha!

Samantha Bauer(05:23.19)
And I remember her coming home and she got the letter. She goes, Mommy, I got this letter. And I said, my gosh, because I had I had the opportunity to go to Australia and play softball and Goodwill games. Yeah. And when I was in high school and loved Australia, I so want to go back. The Aussies are amazing. And anyhow, I called my husband and I said, OK, honey, how you respond in front of her is important. Like you can't go, my baby girl, you can't

Christine Goforth(05:33.805)
Yeah.

Christine Goforth(05:50.007)
guess.

Samantha Bauer(05:53.007)
And I said, have to just be super supportive. Because in my mind, I'm like, this will totally prepare me for when she does go and leave us. I mean, that's kind of an extreme thing. I'm like, we're just going to send her off, probably, for two weeks, when she's 11, just so we can get used to. I think back on it.

Christine Goforth(06:06.891)
Right, right, right.

Christine Goforth(06:14.925)
It's like two nights at Sonora. no, not sixth grade camp.

Samantha Bauer(06:21.244)
I'm right. I forget sixth grade camp. I'm like bye go go to Australia. There's other side of the Right the other side of the frickin globe like what the hell so anyhow I Was so focused on my husband making sure he was okay

Christine Goforth(06:22.369)
Sam's, bye, see ya. No, we don't do sixth grade camp, we do two week Australia.

Samantha Bauer(06:41.02)
And I so wasn't OK, but I knew, like, again, I was just like, we're going to rip this bandaid off and we're going to just we're going to know what this is like when she's eventually going to leave us. And I'm like, oh my gosh, he's 11. Like, get a grip, Sam. Anyhow.

Samantha Bauer(06:41.02)
So anyhow, so yeah, middle school, high school, right? You have to change your parenting and my goodness, when they do, when those birdies leave and they fly away and they go to college and they're completely on their own and boy, you talk about pivot, right? You can't be that parent. I mean you can, you're just gonna be miserable checking their bubble, making sure they got home every night, you know, the whole thing.

Christine Goforth(07:23.617)
Right.

Samantha Bauer(07:27.842)
And so everything is about that pivot, that transition, and being flexible.

Samantha Bauer(07:27.842)
Right, being flexible and being, and again, I think, know, pivoting is all about resilience. And when we started talking about this, Christine, I know that you were sharing a story about one of your friends who was, you know, she's in the empty nest stage and, you know, helping her little birdies fly.

Christine Goforth(07:51.65)
Yeah.

Christine Goforth(07:55.457)
Yes.

Christine Goforth(07:55.457)
Yeah. Well, she was, I was telling her about the podcast that we are doing and you know, just the, the idea behind it and how I've been living and the work that I've been doing. And she had shared that she was, listening to Mel Robbins and she had gotten the let them theory book and reading that and kind of said, you know, I really wish I had done this before my kids were.

Samantha Bauer(08:03.791)
Uh-huh.

Samantha Bauer(08:26.042)
Yeah.

Christine Goforth(08:27.785)
at the stage to, you know, be going to college. And while this particular friend of mine, her kids are still at home, they're adults. And she said, it's, I had, and I'm having to get used to the fact that I am no longer their best friend. Like I'm no longer their best friend, i.e. their main character. I'm not the one that they go to.

Samantha Bauer(08:37.274)
Yeah.

Samantha Bauer(08:53.85)
Right, right.

Christine Goforth(08:56.125)
and tell every story. There are not gonna be stories, or there are going to be stories that I as the mom should not know about. And that has been one of the hardest things is kind of realizing like, okay, I'm taking my step back now and they don't need me like they did. Someone else is kind of taking the place of certain aspects of what I gave them or had with them.

Samantha Bauer(09:04.475)
Right.

Samantha Bauer(09:08.251)
Yeah.

Samantha Bauer(09:14.587)
Right.

Samantha Bauer(09:18.629)
Right.

Samantha Bauer(09:23.651)
Mm-hmm.

Christine Goforth(09:25.133)
And it's about getting used to, okay, so now it's me, now what do I do? Now what? Now what?

Samantha Bauer(09:32.389)
Now what? Now what?

Samantha Bauer(09:32.389)
Now what? And I think this pivot is one of the most important, impactful pivots that you can have. Because as a mother, you're obviously, you have been so focused on doing that most important job in preparing your kids for the next phase of life. And it's like, OK, so what does that mean for me now? And like you said, a good friend of mine made the comment, too, that you really

Samantha Bauer(09:32.389)
that you're no longer the main character in their story, you're now a side character. So you're a side character in their story now? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But here's the opportunity. You now can be the main character in your story. Right? And so when I started thinking about, you know,

Christine Goforth(10:09.387)
Yes, yeah. You'll hear some of the stuff, but not all of it. You're not the first one they call, unless they need something.

Samantha Bauer(10:33.134)
You know, I've got plenty of friends who do the boo hooey and I'm not judging on the empty nesting because I'm not. This is not easy. This is not. No, this is not for the week. Parenting number one is not for the week, by the way, but also letting them go and start their adult lives without you is is is a very significant, impactful thing in your life. But it doesn't have to be this.

Samantha Bauer(10:33.134)
boo hooey, negative, you cry every time you walk by their room kind of thing.

Christine Goforth(11:06.667)
Yeah. And as somebody who hasn't experienced that yet, do you think in your experience with some of your friends that are having a harder time, do you think that they feel like their kids weren't ready? Because I, I, I kind of feel like if I picturing in however many years, if I feel like we have done a good job and

Samantha Bauer(11:11.536)
Yep.

Samantha Bauer(11:23.984)
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Samantha Bauer(11:35.323)
Right.

Christine Goforth(11:35.692)
guided them, parented them in the way. Certainly I will be sad and there will be a grieving transition, kind of maybe a clunky growth, right? Growth is not easy. Growth hurts sometimes in some ways, but like, it's gonna be so good. I get my own time. I get time with my husband. I get our own home that's gonna be clean for like, until we make a mess.

Samantha Bauer(11:48.614)
Sure.

Samantha Bauer(11:55.749)
Yeah.

Samantha Bauer(11:55.749)
Yeah. yeah.

Samantha Bauer(12:04.558)
I'm telling you, empty nesting is so, so amazing. Like there's no laundry, you know, sorry, Paul, I'm not really cooking that much these days, right? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And also, yeah. So, so to answer your question, Christine, yes, I think there's definitely fear in did I do a good enough job?

Christine Goforth(12:04.749)
Are you kidding me? That seems amazing! Yes!

Christine Goforth(12:04.749)
Yeah, and I get to hear about their lives and watch my kids thrive. Sign me up for that. Are you kidding? Yes. I. Yeah.

Samantha Bauer(12:30.736)
Did I prepare them? Did I? I'm like, my God, did I? Did I teach her this? Did I? What about this? And da da. But we.

Samantha Bauer(12:30.736)
could not have done it all. And that's what part of their young adult life is, is to figure it out too through trial and error. They're going to fail and giving them the space to fail. As long as you've given, obviously, them the tools to navigate, to pivot, to have the resilience, and to understand that life is not perfect, today kind of sucked.

Christine Goforth(12:55.169)
I was just going to say that. Yep. The tools.

Samantha Bauer(13:04.956)
But tomorrow is a new day. And here's what I learned and here's how I'm going to pivot and change. so, yes, I...

Christine Goforth(13:11.211)
No, I love that. That, that idea of, of giving them the foundation. Sure. We cannot possibly run through every single problem that might ever come up in your life. is categorically impossible. Not going to happen, but what we can do is give you these foundational tools from the day you're born until the day you leave and beyond. And

Samantha Bauer(13:38.928)
Right.

Christine Goforth(13:40.301)
to say here are the tools that will help you.

Christine Goforth(13:40.301)
get through whatever situation it is. And while the tools might be the same, the problems are gonna be different, but they have those. They know, they've said, okay, I've kinda been in a situation like this and this is what I did. This is how mom guided me. So, yeah.

Samantha Bauer(13:54.05)
Exactly. Right.

Samantha Bauer(14:01.316)
Right. Yep. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I and I think.

Samantha Bauer(14:01.316)
The biggest gift that you can give your own kids is your happiness.

Christine Goforth(14:17.303)
Yep. Yeah.

Samantha Bauer(14:18.83)
Right. And you hear that you hear it all the time. You you're only as happy as your unhappiest kid. We want our kids to be happy, clearly. But they're just like us. They're not going to be happy every minute of the day. They're going to have their failures. You're going to want to write. The mama bear is going to come in. Right. You're going to want to fix it because that's just you know what we want. But but giving them the space and the respect like I respect you.

Christine Goforth(14:38.018)
yeah.

Christine Goforth(14:45.259)
Right. And the trust. I trust you to not run in and save you every second or right away or.

Samantha Bauer(14:47.79)
And the trust. Yeah, I respect and trust you. Yeah. Like, yeah. Yeah, like, you know, you have the tools, like you said.

Samantha Bauer(14:47.79)
You've got the instincts. You know how to you should behave in this in this situation and that sort of thing. But yeah, no, I mean, there's there's definitely panic moments where you're just like when you're getting close to, you know, them graduating from high school and going off to college or whatever it is. And you're just like, oh, my gosh, I mean, there's plenty of stuff like my I'm just going to say it. My kids just did not know how to fold laundry properly. And I'm like looking, I'm like, what is wrong with you? I'm like, oh, right.

Christine Goforth(15:27.917)
because we didn't. Yeah.

Samantha Bauer(15:28.094)
Because I always did it. Right? I just did because that's how I ran my household and I only wanted two laundry days a week and we had stuff to do. But anyhow, it's just silly things like that. like...

Christine Goforth(15:41.591)
I love that you have laundry days. That's so organized of you.

Samantha Bauer(15:46.921)
I got I got laundry days. Well, I had to Christine when they were playing sports, right? Tuesday. Well, you're you're you're learning this right now. Tuesday and Thursday is game day. So you better be washing on Wednesday. Like Wednesdays, I have to and, you know, game day is, you know, Tuesday and Thursday.

Christine Goforth(15:51.368)
yeah. yeah. Gotta get that volleyball. Yeah. Yup.

Christine Goforth(16:03.582)
Yep, on, mm-hmm, yep, okay, that's true.

Samantha Bauer(16:08.124)
Yeah. But I think also it goes back to we've talked in a prior podcast about being intentional. And being intentional requires a plan. So I think for years, I've watched, I've observed other people go through the empty nest. And I've listened to how people talk about it. And I was very intentional with, I don't want to do that.

Samantha Bauer(16:08.124)
I don't want to go, they're so sad. They're gone. Yeah, mean, I'm sad. And life is different. I was intentional with how I was going to behave and talk about it. Right?

Christine Goforth(16:47.06)
Right, because essentially it's, I think that we could all agree that the ending of one chapter, there's, I don't know that I would even say sadness, but there's a conclusion in ending A that does promote those feelings inside. And also you can be really excited for the next chapter.

Samantha Bauer(16:55.729)
Yes.

Samantha Bauer(17:01.648)
Yes. Yes.

Samantha Bauer(17:12.028)
Yeah, and I got to tell you, watching my two young adult children go out there and just be badasses and do fun things and do awesome things, do scary things, challenge themselves, it's so much fun. it's just knowing that they're just,

Christine Goforth(17:21.067)
Yeah.

Samantha Bauer(17:33.271)
Jen, you know, generally happy and they've got the tools that they need and they're and they're they're going out and being badasses. I mean, that's that was kind of that was sort of our theme, you know, growing up just like just go do to do big things. You got to do big things, right. And just go and do it. And it's so fun to just be on the sidelines and come and just and clap. And, you know, it's so fun because I think I've shared this before. My son, Max, you know, we visited at college.

Samantha Bauer(17:33.271)
in Texas and I was like, okay, well, you you might want to consider this. So I shifted my language instead of, because it used to be like, okay, honey, you got to do this. Make sure you do this and da da da da da da da da. Because, you know, I did a lot of that when they were home.

Christine Goforth(18:12.789)
Yes.

Samantha Bauer(18:19.228)
And I said, you might consider, right? So I just kind of, right? You might consider this. Yeah, right, you might consider this. And but he's no fool. He's all right through it. And he says, Mom, don't tell me what to do. And I just think that's a, and I know I've shared this before, but I think that's, like I totally laughed in that moment. I'm like.

Christine Goforth(18:22.378)
That's good. Make them think it's their idea.

Christine Goforth(18:33.766)
I'm...

Samantha Bauer(18:40.122)
That is funny. That is funny that the 20-year-old said, don't tell me what to do. And I'm just like, my god, that is hilarious. I'm like, yeah, you're right. I totally should not be telling you what to do. But I'm telling you to consider. Just consider it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I think it goes back to pivot is to be constantly learning.

Christine Goforth(18:41.345)
Yeah.

Christine Goforth(18:41.345)
Tell me what to do.

Christine Goforth(18:51.006)
Yeah, just consider it. Just a little life advice, maybe.

Samantha Bauer(19:09.744)
Right? Learning, changing, know, like you already said, I know how to parent that. I'm comfortable in that space. So you, right? And you do, and again, I'm not trying to judge, but you've got plenty of parents that still, when the kids get into those preteens and teens, are still parenting like those kids are still in elementary school.

Samantha Bauer(19:09.744)
And how we parent in elementary school, it's like, you will wear this, you will go here, you'll do this, and da-da-da-da-da. It's all prescribed.

Christine Goforth(19:41.612)
Right. And you're talking to the teachers and they're not necessarily advocating for themselves until, you know, well, my kids were advocating for themselves like fourth grade. You go talk to your teacher, tell her you didn't do X, Y, Z. I'm not telling her.

Samantha Bauer(19:53.893)
Right. Right. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So so it requires some self-reflection, some intentionality and really thinking about how do I want to live my life? What does my life look like? You know, is it?

Samantha Bauer(19:53.893)
demanding your children, you know, command performances, you know, be home here, do this. But yeah, because like my husband and I told both of my daughter and son when they went away, like if you get invited to a friend's house for Thanksgiving or whatever it is, spring break or whatever, go, go experience. Don't feel that obligation that, you know, perhaps I had, you know, as as a young adult

Christine Goforth(20:33.728)
Yeah. Go. Yeah.

Christine Goforth(20:43.382)
Yes, I think a lot of us, yeah.

Samantha Bauer(20:45.822)
and getting married and it's like because, you know, I had a family who, you know, loved the holidays the way they were and weren't willing to pivot a little bit and change it. It's like, well, no, we have to do this because it's all, this is how we've always done it.

Christine Goforth(20:56.715)
Right.

Christine Goforth(21:01.877)
Mm. So therefore we can never change or have it be different.

Samantha Bauer(21:08.099)
Ex-

Samantha Bauer(21:08.099)
Exactly, right? anyhow, so those of us who have joined us today, as we continue to grow and you're with us because you're here for a reason, number one, we believe that, but also you want to grow, you want to learn, and you want to pivot. And being able to pivot is to be able to accept that there's change and transition in your life. And it doesn't have to be a bad thing.

Christine Goforth(21:39.562)
The more you can accept it and flow with it, the easier it will be. Always. Always.

Samantha Bauer(21:45.059)
Exactly.

Samantha Bauer(21:45.059)
Just don't be in a state of resistance and accept it. So we obviously have a lot more to talk about on this pivot thing. And so next time, I'm super excited. just set up our next episode, Christine, because I want to share. I got a little more granular on this pivot. And I defined what each of those letters stand for, or what could it stand for as you're getting into this big transition into empty nesting and line.

Christine Goforth(21:54.392)
yes.

Christine Goforth(22:08.713)
Yes.

Samantha Bauer(22:15.998)
launching in those little birdies. So anyhow, there's a lot more to talk about, but we're so thrilled you're with us. I know, I know, we can go on forever. this is Sisters-in-Law of Attraction, I'm Sam. Thanks for joining us. See you next time.

Christine Goforth(22:19.141)
I'm so excited. Yes.

Christine Goforth(22:26.774)
I'm Christine. Thank you. Bye.